Sarcastic Thoughts for the Day

In the spirit of Jamie’s “Thought of the Day” he regularly posts in his blog, here are a couple of not-so-nice “thoughts” for today:

1) Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2) The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3) It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

4) If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

5) Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away and you’ll have their shoes.

6) If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

7) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

8) Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

9) The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and still it back in your pocket.

10) A closed mouth gathers no foot.

11) Duct tape is like “The Force”. It has a light side, a dark side and it holds the universe together.

12) Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

True words of wisdom, thank you so much for sharing.
Those are certainly thoughts to live by!! spiritual principles :-)
My personal favorite is 'A Closed mouth gathers no foot.' Maybe I should ponder that one some more...
Truly words to live by.
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